Is Your Child Nervous About School Starting?

Persist In Finding the Fear

When our kids are nervous about school starting, it is our job to try to find out why. If we ask them what they are nervous about, the answer is likely, “Oh, nothing,” but it is worth persisting.

When getting ready to make back-to-school purchases, it is easiest to do that “bulk style” either alone or with all our children in tow. However, if you can take one child at a time for a specific purchase (outfit, shoes, backpack) and make it a date, where you have some time to talk over ice cream or another treat, they may be more open to talking.

Then it helps when we sandwich the question in the middle of a string of questions:

What are you excited about?
Who do you hope is in your class? (If they know, who are you excited about having in your class?)
What do you want to learn?
What are you nervous about?
What would you like to do on your first day?

If your child is attending a new school, look at the school website together for exciting things they do. If possible, visit the school and play on the playground. Find the bathrooms. If you know their classroom number, find it together. I will post thoughts on school fears as we go, but here are some quick ideas.

Social Fears

If Your Child is Fearful of Returning to School for social reasons, find out why with leading questions again. If they are afraid they won’t have anyone to play with at recess or sit with at lunch, teach them the “shy kindness trick.” Any time they feel shy, have them look around for someone who is by themselves and looks shy. They want someone to make friends with them just as much as your child does. Tell them to say a friendly “Hi” and introduce themselves. Teach your children a line like, “Hi, I’m Brooklyn, and I like to play on the monkey bars. What do you like to do? Want to play?” Remind them that you are confident they will be able to make new friends.

If your child is afraid of a bullying situation from last year, remind him how it was solved. You could ask him if he wants you to do something. Remind him of what he should do. Bullying isn’t likely to be the first-day fear unless it is a situation from the previous year.

Academic Fears

If Your Child is Fearful of Returning to School for academic reasons, ask if there is anything you can do to help her. She may not answer the question, but it gives you an opening to say, “How about we do your homework together? Are you worried about reading aloud? Plan more reading aloud together at home. Maybe getting a tutor would help. If the anxiety persists, see if they would like you to talk to their teacher. Try making an agreement where your child agrees to raise her hand at least once daily on a question she feels confident about. Then ask the teacher to only call on her when she raises her hand for the time being.

School Shootings

If Your Child is Fearful of Returning to School because of school shootings, spend some time discussing it. Since the Uvalde school shooting, some may be afraid of a school shooting. Listen to your child’s fears or feelings of what happened to understand what they have heard. Agree that it was very sad and the whole country is sad. Any time tragedies happen that involve children, the government and schools work together to find better ways to keep them safe. It used to be that children were afraid of school fires, and children were afraid of dying in one. There has only been one school fire where kids died in the last 100 years, and that was 1954 (which you can put it into the perspective of before their grandparents were in school, which kids imagine was before books and cars). Because of those few fires, all the states and the country made laws so it wouldn’t happen again. They stopped making schools of wood, started having fire drills and fire alarms, and taught teachers how to keep their students safe. That is why no children have died in so long. Almost all states require schools to have a “school safety plan” so that all teachers know exactly what to do to keep students safe. For your knowledge, there should be something about the safety plan on the school website, and you could check and reassure them it exists. Tell them that more and more adults are thinking of new ways to keep schools safe. Also, point out safety features at your school. It is fenced in. Everyone checks into the office before going on to campus etc. If all else fails, a mom jumped a fence and got to her kids’ classrooms in Uvalde, so they were safe. Kind of a superhero, and they can bet you would do the same. Remind them that you are, in fact, a superhero to get a laugh to end on a lighter note.

COVID

This year, most kids have already gone back to school during the COVID pandemic, but if they are still nervous, talk to them with the perspective your family has maintained. If they are vaccinated, remind them of the protection from serious illness. Remind them they are fine after attending school last year during the pandemic.

Book Suggestions

First Day Jitters by Julie Danneberg : Adorable book with surprise twist! ~Ages 5-8

Little Mole Goes to School by Glenys Nellist ~Ages 4-7 years

It will be Okay: Trusting God Through Fear And Change by Lisa TerKeurs (Free Kindle version to check out but worth purchasing) ~ Ages 3-6

Fiona Goes to School (I Can Read Level 1) by Richard Cowdre ~Ages 4-8

Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes ~ Ages 4-7

Mae’s First Day of School by Kate Berube ~ Ages 4-7

This might also be a great time to start a devotional. Check out this beautiful devotional book. You can read the whole thing for free with Kindle Unlimited to check it out: Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing but it would be worth it to purchase the book Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing ~ Ages 4-8